He Chose Us...

 
It's been almost 8 years since that day he chose us.

I didn't expect it. 

It wasn't supposed to happen that way, not so soon anyway. But life has a way of throwing curve balls sometimes.

I am very familiar with them. I sure am glad I embraced the uncertainty and took a chance. 

This was my journal entry on that day: 4.26.16

 "It's been a few weeks since I last wrote, and so much has happened. I am overwhelmed with a mix of emotions, and sometimes it feels like I'm on a roller coaster that never stops.

When I got guardianship of Jordan, it meant that we were a package deal, we are in it together forever, him and I and I accept that with every ounce of my being.

I am his person and always will be.

Maddie will be heading off to Southern Miss in the fall and we'll be moving to Georgia to start a new chapter of our lives. It's something I've been planning for a while, but now that it's getting closer, I can't help but feel anxious. 

New is never easy. I'm supposed to feel this way, right?

And then, there's Dave. This wonderful man has been by my side for years and has shown me patience, kindness, and support through thick and thin. 

And now, he said he wants to retire and move with us. WHAT?

That wasn’t the plan. The plan was we would move, he would visit for a few years before he retired. 

Not anymore. He wants to commit to us.

 Not just me, but me and Jordan FOREVER. 

I have been a single mom for so long, and the idea of inviting someone else into our world, our forever family, is both exciting and terrifying. 

He has been by my side for years but never spent a night in our home. That promise I made to myself that my kids would never wake up to a man in our home, I kept that promise, not even Dave. 

He hasn’t seen me sleeping on the floor outside of Jordan’s room, on the nights he is restless and can’t sleep, which honestly, are many. 

He hasn’t experienced meltdowns of epic proportion, because that is our secret world behind these closed doors. And now, he wants to make the ultimate commitment to a world he doesn’t know but says he is willing to learn.

Change and transitions are never easy for Jordan. He thrives on routine and familiarity, and I worry about how he will handle this big shift in our lives. But I also know that this move is the right thing for our family. 

We need a fresh start, a new beginning, and I'm excited about the possibilities that lie ahead, not to mention the fact that we’ll get to experience seasons and be with friends I want to spend my life with.

And of course, this brain of mine, which I have been doing a lot of work on in coaching wants to take me to all the what if’s.

What if it doesn't work out?

What if this man, who has been such a steadfast presence in my life, isn't the right fit for our family after all? Will it be even more painful to lose him, now that he has made this commitment? 

But then, I think about all the moments we've shared together. The laughter, the tears, the quiet moments of connection. And I know, even if it's scary, even if it's hard, this is the right thing to do. He is worth the risk. We are worth the risk.

There are so many unknowns ahead, so much that is uncertain. But I'm learning to embrace the uncertainty, to trust that everything will work out in the end.

Life alongside autism is full of twists and turns, and I'm excited to see where this new adventure takes us.

So, I will take a deep breath, and I will take this leap of faith. 

I will trust that everything will work out the way it's meant to and that this man who has chosen to be a forever in our world will be a true blessing in our lives." 

This was written by Shannon Urquiola at Not Your Average Autism Mom
Thank you for being part of our journey.